What to Do With a Rift?

What to do when there is a rift. How I despise them. Why must the pain of the rift be greater than the pain of the conflict? Long ago I had pride (before my fall) that I was so good at relationship that I could prevent any rift. That was not true. That would only be in the hands of my God. Only He could prevent rifts. What do you do when the pain of relationship seems too hard? What do you do when you've given many chances - it seems an infinite number - and the chances are dissolved into each betrayal? What do you do when you gave your heart and your "friend" (knowing you, you thought) found greater pain in having relationship than in destroying it? What do you do? You forgive. You continue to give chances. You love with His love, not your love. You "feed on all that is gained and nothing that is lacking" (I love your words Bill Johnson). You "plant the seed of your lack by giving it back to God in thanksgiving, so that it may reap the spiritual justice and good fruit instead of barrenness, death, loneliness and infinite lack". I will choose to believe and not fear, because my God is pouring out His grace on me and on my weakness. His grace blows into my limp, hollow life like breath blows up an empty balloon, so that it is tight and round and full and ready for it's destiny. Without Him, I am nothing. His grace washes over my parched and cracked and hard heart, changing me from old and leathered like an ancient skin to new subtle, fresh and elastic, like a baby. Like a baby from the inside out, from elastic bones to subtle skin - resilient. My God is resilient, therefore, so am I. I love Him. Everything He asks is worth it. One last note: With the pain of this, we step further into our destiny, not because God brings pain, but because He brings the way out and shapes us into something new in the process.

My Window

I love the shining light pouring through my foyer window
no matter what the source, I love that shining window
sometimes the light is very bright and hot - you might say scalding
and sometimes it is comfortingly warm, flowing soothingly through that window
Warmth is a very interesting thing, from soothing to annoying
it may chase the deepest cold from your bones
or cause tossing to keep you from sleeping
Heat is evidence of energy imparted:
a loving hug, a healing touch, a love just started.
no matter what years have passed, I long for that energy
from my God, from my friend, from my sweet love's kisses
as I said it matters not the source of warmth and light
from moon and stars to shining sun, from God direct - He is so bright,
but though all the light and all the heat have some positive contribution
without a doubt, it is His light that has changed my constitution

Thanks God for Sharing Your Resurrection in so Many Ways

I had the most wonderful birthday this year. My birthday is in spring, April 8th (1954 if you would like to know). I am a glorious 53 years of age, and I do mean glorious. Sometimes my birthday falls on Easter Sunday. I love birthdays, not just mine, but all birthdays. I love celebrating the glorious miracle of people. I also love spring. Spring is my favorite time of year. Spring is another miracle I love to celebrate. I think our culture should have a "Celebrate Spring Holiday" and we should all have a grand party with many flowers and brightly colored clothes and trays of the lovely first fruits and vegetables of spring. I know that this might sound like Easter, but we need another day to just concentrate on the glory that God communicates through spring. (You might hear me blog in the other seasons my love for them, but in the gauge of loving seasons, spring is definitely my favorite). I also love Easter. (I definitely need to find some more descriptive and definitive words to describe levels of positive emotion and attraction other than love.) Well, back to my wonderful birthday. Every time my birthday falls on Easter, I feel so honored and loved by God that I could share his blessed day. (That really emphasizes my "I" personality doesn't it.) This Easter could not have been more enjoyable to me. God poured his love on me in a special way through many joys, hugs and kisses from heaven. Below is a list of the ones I can think of at this moment:
*my husband sang happy birthday to me and gave me a wonderful card, expressing his love in just the right words
*I got to go to church with my beloved God family
*I got to worship my great living God with my beloved God family
*Pam Park told me happy birthday right before worship with the sweetest, most genuine smile of love
*Cherith picked wonderful songs (she actually always does this)
*I got to go to my best friends house (KH) for lunch with my Hawk relatives
*I made a chocolate meringue pie and a coconut custard pie for lunch and they turned out great and everyone had a fit over them
*Gail Cleveland made a coconut cake (my favorite) for the party and God told me it was my birthday cake - for some reason I don't get many birthday cakes, so this was very special
*My husband didn't ask to leave the Easter lunch until I was ready to go
*I got to visit with so many of my lovely God family about God and Easter and babes and food and the weather and love and miracles and Bryan's sermon...
*My precious prophet leader, Bryan Cauthen, gave a radical life changing sermon and gave an awesome analogy - he is so brave and walks with abandoned love for his God
Thank you God for Easter and for my birthday and that you really really love me - I will always be grateful. Let us all be grateful for his sacrifice, for his resurrection power, for his living in us now.

Praises to my God

My heart is full of praise for you
Full and overflowing
My mouth is full of praises too
Full and overflowing
I'll sing of the great things you've done
And your mighty works to come
What great changes you've begun
I'm full and overflowing

Thoughts for the Season

Yes, yes, I know, I am so sporadic at blogging. I'm not sure of the reason. I can't decide if I want to blame it on my life or my personality. Oh well, I don't think it really matters. I shall just do what I do.

This is such an exciting season. I love it so much. I love the people that I'm experiencing it with. Most of all, I love my God for leading the way, cheering me on, dragging me though. However each moment should be defined.

God is teaching us about so many things. His emphasis with me is "servanthood", "seeking his face and not his hand", "being righteous and not being concerned about being right".

My life, Jim's and my life, is going though so many changes. My head and heart are spinning. I can't seem to sort it all out yet.

I love you all, my sweet blogging friends. I love knowing your hearts. You are precious in God's sight and mine.

In honor of the Chavez sisters, who I adore, I follow their lead:
Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Life Guard
2. Hamburger Joint Employee
3. Jr. High Teacher
4. Laboratory Technologies
Movies I watch over and over:
5. Fiddler On The Roof
6. What a Wonderful Life
7. 8.
Four places you have lived:
9. Ft Worth, Texas (1 day old - 18 yrs)
10. Abilene, Texas (18 yrs - present)
11.
12.
Four places you have been on vacation:
13. Knoxville, Tennessee
14. Granite City, Illinois
15. Throughout the state of Colorado
16. British Columbia, Cananda
Four of my favorite foods are:
17. Fried Chicken
18. roasted veggies
19. 100% whole wheat homemade bread
20. steak (different varieties)
Four places I would rather be right now
21. with my Mom
22. at a full service spa
23. at Colorado, in a luxurious cabin with a fire and Jim
24. worshiping with KLF

From freedom, to freedom; From glory to glory

Words cannot express fully the deliverance I have received by the grace and love of my God. Of course all my life I have experienced deliverance, but this deliverance which I speak of is very current. As God has increasingly poured our His presence on our church, as it seems He has on the whole body of Christ, deliverance must come. In His presence our whole being must respond in some way - for or against. His grace is sufficient. Some of the freedom came easy, but there was a wall - a very black wall - a seemingly impenetrable wall - which prevented me from resolution of a root matter. I saw the root in part, and the truth of God seemed to dig pieces of that root out the way you dig into a vegetable with a spoon - slow, deliberately and seemingly very inefficiently. I saw the root in part, but it was fleeting and shadowy and when I could reach for it, it ran through my fingers like water. Only a uncomfortable film was left on my skin which tormented me by it's stinch. But wait, my God is faithful and graceful no matter what or how things appear. While going through the process (in the darkness) I did hear from my God, although faintly. He continued to say "don't give up. I love you, even when you don't see it or feel it or think it". Some of my dear friends unknowingly would agree with Him. The drops of water I received from Him and them saved me from death. Well, I should say what I was delivered of. The lie was rejection. The lie sounded like "You aren't included, and there are many good reasons." It seemed silly. It seemed stupid. It was full of shame. It wasn't true, but it felt as true as any truth I know. But it didn't line up with my God. It lined up with some of the relationships I've had. It lined up with some of the wounds I've received. How thankful I am that the truth, THE reality, is that if something doesn't line up with my God it is NOT TRUE. I pray nothing affects or changes me but the truth. My God is the Way, the Truth, the Life. The truth that set me free was a prophecy which called me out. God had sent many words and prophecies to act as a battering ram to beat against that wall. The last meerly said "You are included. You are in the center, surrounded by a circle of love from the Body of Christ as the inner circle and your God is the outer circle."
HE INCLUDED ME
I am so happy in Christ today
That I go singing along my way
Yes I'm so happy to know and say
Jesus included me too!
vs:
Jesus included me, yes, He included me
When the Lord said "Whosover"
He included me
Jesus included me, yes, He included me
When the Lord said "Whosover"
He included me

Gladly I read, Whosover may
come to the fountain of life today
but when I read it I always say
Jesus included me too!

Ever God's Spirit is saying "Come"
Hear the Bride saying "No longer roam"
But I am sure while they're calling home
Jesus included me too!

Freely come drink
words the soul to thrill
O with what joy they my heart do fill
For when He said "Whosover will"
Jesus included me too!